+*"~..ShAnDy..~"*+

Thursday, August 26, 2004
Stressed... and bored!!

got too bored of studying... and studying... actually haven't did much studying... cannot concentrate... haiz..... juz come online browsing thru friendster... kpo kpo a while... then saw most of my friends got blogs... so link link link and manage to read quite a number of blogs.... hehez... i noe i'm a kpo queen... but i'm juz too bored.. hate studying!!!

i came across one of my friend's blog... haiz... dunno wat to say... its kinda weird when i see her... or tok to her... i dun deny the fact tat i used to get so jealous over her... coz thoughts kept flooding my mind... "is she really tat good?" i juz felt she is too good to be true... on the other hand the fact is i can't really find anything tat is negative about her... so contridicting huh!? after so many yrs... no doubt we can only be very surface friends.. but i really find her to be someone nice.. in her blog she mention something like she didn't want to go back for alumni band... coz of something we dun understand... juz guessing i think its something gonna do with him..... i felt its a pity that both of them, their relationship turned out this way.... coz i mean even after breakup still can be friends ma... juz dun understand how he feel... she did mention in her blog also... she wanted to wish him b4 he go into NS... but still she didn't... haiz.. coz she thinks they better stay a distance... haiz... why?? why is god always fooling pp around??? why do pp's relationship and friendship had to turn out this way??? very often life is so contridicting... if u asked mi i would tell u... yes i dun wish to see them back in contact... but on the other hand i dun wanna see them this way too.... i mean isn't it equally bad when they have to purposely avoid each other?? when he/she really can let go of someone they will not avoid but instead able to face each other.....

he had been calling mi every night since he go into NS... it is the first time i felt he really started to feel for mi... and he really gave mi all the attention..... but somehow... things is never like last time... god is always playing a trick on pp... if all this happen 1 yr ago... i would have no second thoughts of being with him... but right now i became so terrified... in fact its kinda a phobia to get back together with him... and she have grown to be a big obstacle between us... i dun blame anyone... in fact i'm more kinda of the thrid party in the ist place... haiz..

moreover i have met someone who is definitely better than him... this someone never fail to be by my side... everything he did really touched my heart... i wouldn't deny i do feel for him... tat's y everything become so confused for mi... i keep saying i will let nature takes its course... coz i dun wanna be troubled... again i think i am juz avoiding the matter... coz i really dunno how to face it, how to solve it... but the more i hang on the more i drag the harder i can make my decision...... every now and then this problem come back to mi.... i so sickening of everything.... haiz... when can i get over this matter???? debbie also tell mi... to be realistic u dun usually end up with the person u love most but perhaps the person who love u most... or the person who suits u most....

Love, Shandy.
1:35 PM