+*"~..ShAnDy..~"*+

Wednesday, October 22, 2008
vexed over the unnecessary

i came to find out something. something that i thought it will haunt me if i don't get the way i want it to be. i was so upset the entire day. cried my lungs out because i can't seem to find a solution, i spoke to many of my close ones. they gave me advices, all different opinions but generally they shared the same stand. erm... ultimately i know i have to sort out my own thoughts, none can help me.

i took a day sitting in my room alone, trying to figure out whats in my mind, and to listen to my heart closely. a good ventilation and some assurance is all i need. then came bf's msg, "why do you always have funny thoughts huh? don't worry, you will not lose me, we will grow old together. love u. don't let ur imaginations run wild k?" it is simple, but heartwarming to me, esp at that point of time when i felt nothing seems to be right.

the last person i spoke to enlighten me. actually somehow i have an ans in me, but i think i jus need someone to tell me "its ok baby. it is alright to do that." and leefong jie did. finally, i felt better, and i see the whole scenario better. i sorted my own feelings, still feeling a little uncomfortable, but i noe time will take the uneasiness away. i decided to give in, i decided to give it a try. jus for him, my dearest boi. i want to be magnimous. i should. afterall he has been a good bf for the past years. hey folks, i need to clarify to be justifiy for my boi. he did not do anything to betray our relationship, jus that there were some regulations with regards to work he needs to follow, and i am not comfortable with it.

i used to think bf will do whatever he thinks its right, no matter how much i fuss over it. he is one who will not tolerate my unreasonable nonsenses. in a way he made me a better person, paranoid is not in the dictionary of his, so i have to get rid of it. constant badgering on the same issue does not work on him. i need to have a good and calm talk with him. surprisingly, bf did the way i want him to, only to the end of the day when i asked and he said, he did not want to see me unhappy. to think that i wanted to give in, let him do his way, had a good talk with him when he comes back after work, but he actually already decided to take a step back. this is my bf, he will nv boast how much he have contributed, neither does he ask for credits, but his good has to be feel from the heart. he is a good man. and like wat he says, we will grow old together.

i am so blessed.

Love, Shandy.
2:58 PM