Sunday, November 30, 2008

i hate it when it triggers my inner feelings. i hate people to know the genuine shandy. i don't like to disclose my inner self, the vulnerable me. to many, i appeared to be outspoken and forthcoming. but if you know me well, which i can firmly say, perhaps only my king understands me inside out, the things that i don't share, are the things that really affects me.

i put on a smile to hide my discomfort, i talk alot when i feel awkward, i laugh and make it a joke when i am embarrassed.

but when people expose me, when someone talks about things that hit the nail in my heart, i will get emotional, rapidly. my tears will disobey me speedily. when i want to swallow them most, they will fall uncontrollably. i hate it. i went to help out at the temple event yesterday and today. the 3rd ah pek spoke to my king and i individually about our relationship in the long run = marriage. ah pek touched on the most sensitive topic that has been buried secretly in my heart. the section that i hope i have amnesia and forgets all. maybe to many others, it seems like an insignificant history which should long be forgotton. i wish so too. but wounds with regards to the heart takes forever to heal. i've already forgive him definitely. but the horrible fear is still somehow creping in a corner. even till today when i read my old handwritten diary on the days that i endured the heartbreaking news, the pain is still vivid.

friends always see me as the happiest girl in love. some said my encounter is peanuts in comparison to theirs. but how do we really determine the pain. there is no measure for heartaches, isn't it? to you it may be easy, to me it is extremely difficult. get the drift? we dont compare feelings because we can't compare them.

i am getting emotional. i think the quiet night is the culprit. rake my feelings and gives me wild thoughts.

regardless of everything i've ranted, i'm still thankful god granted me with bf.


Love, Shandy.
3:54 AM


+*"~ About me ~"*+
Name: Shandy Yap Shiwei
Emailadd: shandy_flute@yahoo.com OR
shandy_wei@hotmail.com

Location: Singapore
First Cry: 12 September 1985
Horoscope: Virgo
Lurfee:
* My Emperor Sim
* My family
* My besties liting, aihui+jeff choo, yanting+sumo, jasmine+jeremy, and the guys
* good friend tanny
* cardiac angels yizhen, junel, weiling, debbie, meiria, meihui, xinying, weiping.
* sweetheart batchgirls venie, donna, lindy, jenn
Wishlist:
* Wonderful colleagues onboard
* To be happy~ =)
Places i've been to:
* Africa- johannesburg
* Australia- Adelaide
* Australia - Brisbane
* Australia - Melbourne
* Australia - perth
* Australia - Sydney
* Canada- Vancouver
* China - beijing
* China - hong kong
* China - Shanghai
* France - Paris
* greece - athens
* Holland - Amsterdam
* India - bombay
* Indonesia - batam
* Indonesia - bintan
* Indonesia - jakarta
* Italy - Rome
* Italy - milan
* Japan - Nagoya
* Japan - Osaka
* Japan - Tokyo
* Korea - Seoul
* Malaysia- Cameron Highlands
* Malaysia - genting highlands
* Malaysia - kuala lumpur
* Malaysia - terengganu
* Maldives - male
* New Zealand - auckland
* New Zealand - Christchurch
* Pulau ubin
* Philippines - manila
* Russia - Moscow
* switzerland - zurich
* taiwan - taipei
* turkey - istanbul
* United kingdom - london
* United kingdom - manchester
* United States - los angeles
* United States - Texas - Houston
* United States - Sans Francisco
* UAE - abu dhabi
* UAE - Dubai
darr-links
*My dear ones*
cassis collections
Darling AIHUI aka Avril
Darling Yanting aka Kate
Jie
*Shuqun*
Belinda
Yaying
Evelyn
*S'pore Poly*
Weiling
XiaoB
*SIA*
Sherry lee
Lindy Tan
Venecia
Jennifer
*Others*
Gerald
my links
Shandy's friendster
Shandy's facebook
Perfect blogshop for bags - Cassis room

Olivia - Sometimes When We Touch - Olivia
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